Support

People react in different ways when they learn they have cancer. Feelings can be muddled and change quickly. This is quite normal and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. It might be helpful to talk about your feelings with your partner, family, friends, or with a counsellor, social worker, psychologist, or your religious/spiritual adviser. Talking to other people with cancer might also help.

It is usually best to tell your family and your closest friends about your cancer. Some people worry that older people in the family or children will not cope with the news. If you do not tell your family, they will probably know that something is wrong and often think things are much worse than they are.

“The CE comes down and says ‘I heard your terrible news!’ and I thought, well, I’m not dead yet! But thank you for your concern. I know you all care, but the more you ask the more you stress.” Melinda

Sometimes, you might find your family and friends do not know what to say to you: they might have difficulty with their feelings as well. Some people might feel so uncomfortable they avoid you. They may expect you to lead the way and tell them what you need. You might feel able to approach people directly or you might prefer to ask family or friends to talk to other people for you.

Anyone you tell needs time to take it in and to come back with his or her questions and fears – just like you. You can help them to adjust, just as they can help you. However, remember that while you are having treatment, your needs should come first.

“I said to them, ‘Look, you just have to support me now. It’s my time.’ It was role reversal.” Silei

“Some people will say, ‘Let me know if you need anything’, whereas others will just come and do things.” Gerald

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, routines and family roles change. The person who was the major source of income might now be unable to work and might be dependent on others. A partner who was sharing chores might now have to take on extra tasks or get a job. Maintaining your usual social life, hobbies, and interests might be difficult or impossible for a while.

“At the time you think ‘Ah, stuff the business and shut it all down’, but you’ve still got to make a living after treatment. It helps having family support.” Milly

Cancer is not a normal event so it is important to acknowledge this and to not try to carry on with everything as before. There are a number of ways that might help you cope.

For example:

• preparing simpler meals
• being more relaxed about housekeeping
• asking children, family, or friends to help more around the house.

“I had to allow myself not to feel guilty that the house was messy. It doesn’t matter that the floor was not shiny or spic and span.” Silei