Support
Emotional support
People react in different ways when they learn they have bowel cancer. Feelings can be muddled and change quickly. This is quite understandable and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
It may be helpful to talk about your feelings with someone you feel close to. The Cancer Society has a telephone support service, Cancer Connect, where we can link you to someone who has been through a similar experience. For more information, phone the Cancer Information Helpline 0800 CANCER (226 237).
Sometimes, you may find your family and friends do not know what to say to you; they may have difficulty with their feelings as well. Some people may feel so uncomfortable they avoid you. They may expect you to lead the way and tell them what you need. You may feel able to approach people directly and tell them what you need, or you may prefer to ask a close family member or friend to talk to other people for you.
“I believe it’s important to encourage people with cancer not to ‘bottle up’ their feelings but feel free to express them. Reading this booklet will help people to express themselves, and alleviate feelings of helplessness and despair by empowering them with some control over their diet, exercise and relaxation.” Rae
Anyone you tell needs time to take it in and to come back with his or her questions. You can help them to adjust, just as they can help you. Remember that while you are having treatment your needs should come first.
When someone is diagnosed with cancer, routines and family roles may change. The person who was the major source of income may now be unable to work and may be dependent on others. A partner who was sharing chores may now have to take on extra tasks or get a job.
Maintaining your usual social life, hobbies and interests may be difficult or impossible for a while. Cancer is not a normal event so it is important to acknowledge this and not try to carry on with everything as before. There are a number of ways that may help you cope. For example:
- preparing simpler meals
- being more relaxed about housekeeping standards
- asking family to help more around the house.
“I said to them, ‘Look, you just have to support me now. It’s my time.’ It was role reversal.” Silei
Talking with children
How much you tell children will depend on how old they are. Young children need to know that it is not their fault that you have cancer. They also need to know that you may have to go into hospital. Slightly older children can probably understand a simple explanation of what is wrong. Adolescent children can understand much more. Children like to know what will happen to them while you are in hospital, who will look after them and how their daily life will be affected. Sometimes children rebel or become quiet. You may find it helpful to talk to the school counsellor or a social worker.
The Cancer Society has a booklet about talking to children about cancer. Contact your local Cancer Society office or call the Cancer Information Helpline 0800 CANCER (226 237) for a copy of What Do I Tell the Children?/ He Aha He Kōrero Maku Kī Āku Tamariki? You can also read it online or print it out from our website.
Cancer Society information and support services
Your local Cancer Society can provide information and support. The Cancer Information Service is a Cancer Society service where you can talk about your concerns and needs with specially trained nurses. Call your local Cancer Society and speak to support services staff or phone the Cancer Information Helpline 0800 CANCER (226 237).
Local Cancer Society centres offer a range of services for people with cancer and their families. These may include:
- volunteer drivers providing transport to treatment
- accommodation while you’re having treatment
- support and education groups.
The range of services offered differs in each region, so contact your local centre to find out what is available in your area.
“When I was diagnosed I was very frightened and vulnerable to misinformation and suggestion by well-meaning people. I wanted, and mostly got, information and positive encouragement, which gave me hope.” Phil
Cancer support groups
Cancer support groups offer mutual support and information to people with cancer and their families. It can help to talk with others who have gone through the same experience. Support groups can also offer many practical suggestions and ways of coping. Ask your hospital or local Cancer Society for information on cancer support groups in your area.
Ostomy societies
These groups provide support and practical advice to people with ostomies (stomas). Some societies may not be listed in the phone book, but your local Cancer Society centre will be able to put you in contact with a group in your area.
Home care
Nursing care is available at home through district nursing or your local hospital — your doctor or hospital can arrange this. You may be entitled to assistance with household tasks during your treatment. For information on the availability of this assistance, contact your hospital social worker or the District Nursing Service at your local hospital.
Palliative care services
Palliative care services may be offered by your local hospital or hospice. These services have particular expertise in dealing with pain and other symptoms, and can offer emotional support for you and your family.
Financial assistance
Help may be available for transport and accommodation costs if you are required to travel some distance to your medical and treatment appointments. Your treatment centre or local Cancer Society can advise you about what sort of help is available.
“It’s like a home away from home [Society accommodation]. We do all our own cooking and washing. You still have to look after those things yourself. It’s not like hospital. It’s really good to meet people, talk about it, but you’ve got your own room and your own time.” Melinda
Financial help may be available through your local Work and Income office. Work and Income (0800 559 009) has pamphlets and information about financial assistance for people who are unable to work. Short-term financial help is available through the Sickness Benefit and longer-term help is provided through the Invalids Benefit. Extra help may be available; for example, accommodation supplements and assistance with medical bills.
Interpreting services
New Zealand’s Health and Disability Code states that everyone has the right to have an interpreter present during a medical consultation. Family or friends may assist if you and your doctor do not speak the same language. You can also ask your doctor to provide an interpreter if using family members is inappropriate or not possible.